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Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry

Average customer rating:

About Solter's view on nursing....
A wonderful addition when you don't know what to do!
Response to the 1 stars
Essential Reading
Tears and Tantrums

Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
Aletha Jauch Solter
Manufacturer: Shining Star Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0961307366

Customer Reviews:

About Solter's view on nursing...........2007-03-29

Some reviewers may disagree completely with the notion that a breastfeeding mother could absolutely love breastfeeding and at the same time want to control the nursing schedule and set limits on the child's access to nursing, but I am an example of exactly that kind of nursing mother. My son is 9 months and has been nursed full-time since birth. He never accepted a bottle so no one has ever fed him but myself directly from the breast, everyday of his life for the last 9 months and still going. He didn't start solids until 6 1/2 months and has only taken 1 solid feeding a day until now that he is 9 months and his appetite and curiosity for solid foods has really opened up. I LOVE nursing my son. I will always cherish the countless times we have sat quietly on my couch staring at each other while his little hand plays with my hair and my face. When he smiles in the middle of nursing my heart melts 100% But I don't feel that way when it is 3 am and I am 1/2 asleep. So I started early on to feed on a schedule and I am very happy that my son sleeps through the night (from 7:30pm to 5:30 am, nurse and back down until 7:30 am) He has done so since he was 2 months old, with some interruptions here and there due to teething, and after a few days we get back on track. I absolutely believe in feeding on a schedule. It makes life more predictable for me, and I believe for him also. My son also benefits very much from Solter's approach to cry as stress relief. He cries often when he is tired during the day and ready for a nap. he cries in my arms and starts closing his eyes and finally surrenders to sleep. Wakes up happy and smiling.

Some mothers may enjoy very much nursing 24 hrs a day, on-demand, but certainly not all of us do. Some of us like to do it in a more organized and predictable pattern.

Some mother may never wish to hear their babies cry, and prevent it at all costs. But some of us have learned that crying is sometimes inevitable, and really, not the end of the world, but just part of life, particularly a a baby's life.

A wonderful addition when you don't know what to do!.......2006-12-14

My first son just had issues- mostly with me being a new mom and him wanting his way. This book, although a little much for some, offered much needed help with how to help him learn to sleep WITH my help. Not just letting the baby cry, but to let them express themselves and it helped. I didn't give it a full five because as a nursing mother, I felt they were a little to much for me on that level.

Response to the 1 stars.......2005-12-20

The reviewers that gave this book one star, obviously did not read this book closely enough. You are suposed to respond to ALL your babies needs. Yes, even nursing for comfort! In fact the author states she got up in the middle of the night to nurse her children until they were at least two! Parental closeness is a need children have, that is why she advocates nursing, and co-sleeping, and baby wearing. On top of all of this, some children still get stressed out (I would bet all children), and frustrated, and the only way to express themsleves is to cry. If I need to have a good cry, they last thing I want is someone telling me to be quiet, yet this is exactly what we do to children. Solter helps us avoid causing pent up emotions by allowing our children to cry as they need to. Yes, before children can talk, crying is one of the only ways a child expresses needs. You figure out what cries mean. You try to meet the need, and if your child is still crying, most likely there is a NEED to cry.

I give this book four stars, because I think you do have to read it very closely, think about what you are reading, and practice it to truly understand how to apply these principles in your life. I feel a quick read could give you wrong ideas (it is obvious to me that one reviewer did not understand the overnursing concpet, and another reviewer missed the whole concept). This book really is common sense. It is loving and respectful. Children and families would be happier from living by its ideas.

Essential Reading.......2005-10-26

I wish that I had read this book before my first child was born. Solter's ideas would have saved us so much guilt and heartache. As the other reviewers have already stated, this book explains that sometimes babies and young children have a very strong need to release stress and emotions through crying. As a parent, I had always believed that crying was something to be avoided at all costs. I nursed on demand, carried my son everywhere, and kept him close by at night. He was always so fussy! Then as a two year old he was very aggressive toward other children even though we have always been gentle with him and modeled kindness and respect. Solter explains very clearly how fussiness and aggression can be avoided. She explains how to help your child sleep better by allowing them to work through their emotions instead of stifling them. I strongly dissagree with the reviewer that called this method cruel. Solter says again and again that we are not ever supposed to ignore our child's cries. But if, after making sure that all of the child's needs have been met, the child is still crying, we can be assured that crying is a ligitimate need as well. After working with this method and observing my son, who is now three, I have seen how much better he feels after crying. Sometimes he even seems to look for reasons to cry. When he's done he is happier for days. The Aware Baby is also a very important book. I have been recommending it to everyone who is having trouble with their baby because the message is so helpful. If you are a skeptic, check your local library first. But if you're like me, you'll be here buying your own copy soon.

Tears and Tantrums.......2005-02-25

I recommend this book to anyone who has ever been a child (not a typo!). Not only does it explain why babies and children cry, it shows us how we can support them in expressing their feelings. For those people who had their crying repressed in childhood and now have their own children, it is a revelation.
Babies and children are little people and they need to be respected as such. "It is important to know that children need the most love and attention when they act the least deserving of it".
Aletha Solter has written a book which will allow so many children to grow up as well rounded, healthy individuals, able to express themselves fully. It also gives scope for healing in adults too, "It is never too late to begin". I see it as a bright future for humankind.
I have gone from feeling inadequate as a parent to feeling I am doing the very best for our child. We have a very happy, alert baby who cries when he needs to, in our arms and with our love and full attention. It is very satisfying to see him drop of to sleep so peacefully and even sometimes with a smile!
Thank you Dr. Solter, I can see that one day what you have written about will be the advice parents are given. I just hope that day is soon.

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