Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood

Starring:John Kassir, Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, Phil Fondacaro, William Sadler, Kiara Hunter, Leslie Ann Phillips, Juliet Reagh, Eli Gabay, Matt Hill, Eric Keenleyside, Kim Kondrashoff, Robert Munic, Gary Starr, Robin Douglas, Dorian Joe Clark
Director: Gilbert Adler
Studio: Image Entertainment
Product Type: DVD

Product Description

Wisecracking private eye Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) investigates some strange happenings at a titillating bordello on the edge of town. It seems owner Madam Lilith (Angie Everhart) and her luscious cohorts want more than money they want blood!

Soon Rafe finds himself up to his neck in a den of hungry vampiresses and battling the Reverend Jimmy Current (Chris Sarandon), a slick televangelist with an unstoppable talisman.
Brimming with blood, lust and wicked laughs, this is one brothel you ll visit again and again!

Format: DVD MOVIE

Amazon.com

Private eye Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) is hired by repressed, born-again Katherine (Erika Eleniak) to find her missing bad-boy brother. The trail leads him to a whorehouse run by a thousand-year-old vampire (Angie Everhart) and secretly backed by Katherine's boss, televangelist Jimmy Current (Chris Sarandon, wonderfully insincere and smarmy). Not for the squeamish or the easily offended (but you knew that from the title), Bordello of Blood is pulp horror as it should be--funny, fast, and full of gore. How many movies do you know where naked vampire hookers devour the still-beating hearts of their adolescent clients, or where the hero saves the day with a Super Soaker? Dennis Miller is at his wisecracking best as the oddest private eye since Elliot Gould played Philip Marlowe in The Long Goodbye. Angie Everhart devours her role with relish (yum!). And former Playboy Playmate Erika Eleniak seems to be enjoying the joke that in a movie filled with half-naked women, she's the only one who keeps her clothes on. --Geof Miller

Customer Reviews:

AWFUL!..To say the least.......2007-02-23

First of all, Angie Everheart can't act her way out of a paper bag. The person who did the casting for this movie should be fired immediately. I wanna hope they weren't serious. I mean, this has to be a comedy..right? This is a disagrace to vampire movies everywhere and has ultimately led to the destruction of the "Tales from the Crypt" movie legacy. "Tales from the Crypt" was one of the most legendary shows, in my opinion, of all time. It was full of irony, deceit, horror, and revenge. There was always one lesson to be learned, and that's people always get what they deserve in the end. Needless to say, the thought of a "Tales from the Crypt" movie excited me, and after "Demon Knight" was so good, I expected this to be even better. Thus, leading to more films. I was SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN! This movie was absolutely horrible. Chris Sarandon has the most laughable character of all as the T.V Evangelist/Preacher. I was very disappointed in him after the sexy and seductive vampire he played in "Fright Night" which is also another favorite of mine. I guess he's kinda taking what he can get right now, but I would have never guessed that he was hard up enough to make a complete fool out of himself. The same goes for Corey Feldman. Obviously, the lesser talented of the 2 Corey's, he also blew big time in this movie too. After being in "The Lost Boys" I thought I was a fan forever, but once again...I THOUGHT WRONG! He was in this movie all of 3 scenes which are equivalent to about 10 minutes in all probably..if that. On top of that, who owed Angie Everheart a favor? because she had the worst role of all in the film. She clearly got this role because of how she looks because her acting level is flat at 0 (zero). Come on, Her voice stayed exactly the same throught the duration of the movie. It kept the same tone and everything, there was no enthusiam, no passion, no sex appeal, no charisma, and often at times it sounded very flat and mechanical like she was reading directly from que cards. Next, we have Erika Eleniak, who is clearly in the same boat with Chris Sarandon and Corey Feldman. I genuinely don't think she's a bad actress, but she just gets caught up in bad roles. I guess there needs to be a "Baywatch Reunion" soon because that was definitely when she shined most. Don't even get me started on Dennis Miller, he couldn't be funny if he tried. Not to mention, his acting is mediocre at best. This movie looks like one big joke that got dumber and dumber along the way. That goes double for the scene when they go into the "Bordello" to slay the prostitute vampires....PUHLEEZE! Maybe, if it were a spoof it would've been better. What was the point of even showing us the key from "Demon Knight" if it had absolutely nothing to do with the movie? I was thinking they were about to elaborate more on the key, or at least the origin...I THOUGHT WRONG! The key played no part in this at all. Next, a vampire brothel..I wonder who's bright idea that was because they person needs to be found immediately and fired. That's the best they could do? They start off by having some guy with a serious case of the shakes, and who looks and acts seriously disturbed meet these guys in a bar/poolhall and tell them all about how and where they can have the best sex of all time, give them the address of where to go, and these fools actually go. If you're gonna be that dumb, then you deserve to be eaten by vampires. I could go on and on about how bad this movie is but there isn't enough time in my life, or room on Amazon for me to express my strong dislike for this movie. There was nothing redeemable it at all.

Good But Not Great.......2006-07-24

While not as good as Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood is more than the porn it seems by first glance. The movie just misses some things that the first film had. One thing being that the cast in this film is a lot weaker than what was in the original. Can you imagine Dennis Miller as the hero? It's a little too farfetched to believe. Not saying that he is bad in the film, but he just wasn't that great. But he did bring his famous sarcasm to this movie. I did, however, like Christopher Sarandon as the preacher.

The special effects in this movie didn't seem to be used as much as they were in the original film, but what is there, it is still pretty good. The movie just isn't that funny and the movie is definitely not scary. It tries to make jokes that just aren't that good and Corey Feldman does not make a good vampire. Even with all of that said, still, the movie isn't boring. It does have enough to keep interest, the final scenes of the film when Dennis and Chris use squirt guns full of holy water is something to see. The special effects during that sequence were well done.

Overall, this movie is just average. Sorry that I keep comparing to the original film even though this has nothing to do with the original except for the name and the return of the key they were trying so hard to protect in the first movie. But "Demon Knight" set a bar that this one didn't really meet. The movie is fun, and the funniest thing in this film is the man in the bar that keeps sending people to the bordello. Not the greatest of the Tales from the Crypt movies, but the worst "Crypt" movie is better than most films that are put out in the genre. Worth watching, maybe not worth buying unless you are a "Tales" fan.

Somebody Stop Corey Feldman!.......2006-02-14

Let's give Corey Feldman some credit. He was great in Stand By Me and Friday the 13th 4 and even Lost Boys...when he was a kid.(I even had the chance to work with him on 'Stormtrooper' he is without a doubt a talented actor and a genuinely nice guy)But... Somebody needs to be the one to tell him that his career is over.He tries too hard to 'play it tough'in this one.(obviously embarrassed by his Michael Jackson friendship and that film where he was a Jackson look-alike) In this turd from a once respectable studio, Bordello of Blood also stars a mis-cast Chris Sarandon and a never funny Dennis Miller. A vampire movie with hookers is a cool idea, but Rodriquez and Tarantino did it much better with From Dusk Till Dawn.Also, a horror-comedy still has to be funny, right? This piece of cinematic dung was brought to the screen by some very famous directors ( Robert Zemeckis and Walter Hill)and the TV series wasn't that bad. It just cannot make the transition to the big screen. For example,everything from the casting down to the crappy set design and cheapo FX( So bad they make Battlestar Galactica look like genius)not to mention the cheesy puppet Cryptkeeper. The one scene I care never to see again: Feldman,wearing phony-looking teeth and a plastic make-up appliance on his face( which is about to fall off at any moment-Shame on you, FX Guy! For shame!)
leers lustfully as his sister is molested by the Queen bitch vampire, Angie Everhart. It is a sick film made by sick,twisted, and cynical 'players' in the film industry. (Even Richard Donner-'Lethal Weapon' kept his name on this one!)The director(Gilbert Adler) should have to do prison time in 'director's jail' for his part in this atrocity. Yes, it's that bad. Dennis Miller, the ever cocky smartass 'Private Eye' (Oh,we've never seen that cliche before!)confuses his talent with the size of his paycheck and smugly thinks he can save the film with his 'wit'. Trust me, he fails,and if you notice, this was his first (and last) starring role in a film since. Coincidence? I don't think so.
This film was an excuse for these very respectable and sucessful filmakers to slum it, and do a really awful low-budget pile of vomit. Not even the topless hookers can distract you long enough to realize that this screenplay should have been tossed in Zemeckis' golden circular file over at Universal.

0 STARS: Sorry excuse for a vampire movie.......2005-05-18

When I first saw "Bordello Blood", I was so disappointed in Dennis Miller...he is a good actor in certain situations, but for his to do garbage like this is inexcusable. In fact, Miller looked more ridiculous in this movie than he did as a MNF analyst. This movie was supposed to be a vampire movie and while there are some vampires in it, one can easily see that this movie is a total joke and the crypt keeper and others involved in the making of this movie had to laughing when they made it knowing it was not scary and not any good. This is a waste of a serious horror movie fan's time...if you want camp humor and lame comedy fine, but don't call this a horror movie. Thank you.

Vampire Hookers,Lust PLUS Ms. Angie Everhart!!!!.......2005-05-08

This movie opens with some dialogue from the Crypt Keeper. He's the guy that looks like he has been on a diet a little too long.It seems as if there is a new Bordello in town. Howver as with most Horror movies things are not always what they appear to be and this Bordello is full of Vampire Prostitutes who just Vant To Suck Yor Blud!!!The beautiful former model turned successful actress Angie Everhart plays the Head Vampire, Lilith who is after a rare blood type. I give this movie 5 stars because (1) Ms. Everhart gives a wonderful performance and (2) She had the good sense not to marry Sylvester Stallone.

Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood

Average customer rating:

AWFUL!..To say the least
Good But Not Great
Somebody Stop Corey Feldman!
0 STARS: Sorry excuse for a vampire movie
Vampire Hookers,Lust PLUS Ms. Angie Everhart!!!!

Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood
Starring: John Kassir , Dennis Miller , Erika Eleniak , Angie Everhart , and Chris Sarandon
Director: Gilbert Adler
Manufacturer: Image Entertainment
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: 630507755X
Release Date: 1998-03-25

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Description

Madam Lilith (supermodel Angie Everhart) runs a very unusual bordello just on the edge of town. She and her girls are more than happy to serve, but beware, they'll bleed you dry...literally. Don't fret, wisecracking private eye Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) is hot on their trail. Before movie's end, Rafe will battle a den of luscious, scantily-clad vampiresses as well as crooked Reverend Current (Chris Sarandon), who holds the key to an all-powerful talisman.

Customer Reviews:

AWFUL!..To say the least.......2007-02-23

Good But Not Great.......2006-07-24

Somebody Stop Corey Feldman!.......2006-02-14

0 STARS: Sorry excuse for a vampire movie.......2005-05-18

Vampire Hookers,Lust PLUS Ms. Angie Everhart!!!!.......2005-05-08

Tales From The Crypt Presents: Demon Knight / Bordello of Blood (2 Pack)

Average customer rating:

Tales From The Crypt Presents: Demon Knight / Bordello of Blood (2 Pack)
Director: Ernest Dickerson , and Gilbert Adler
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

Product Description

Demon Knight: Brayker is a man who carries the last of seven keys, special containers which held the blood of Christ and were scattered across the universe to prevent the forces of evil from taking over. If The Collector gets the last key, the universe will fall into Chaos, and he has been tracking Brayker all the way to a small inn in a nowhere town. And now the final battle for the universe begins...... Bordello Of Blood: The cryptkeeper returns to tell the story of a funeral parlor that moonlights as a vampire bordello.

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