The Evil One

Starring:Candace Carey
Studio: Maverick
Product Type: DVD

Big Trouble in Little China (Single Disc Edition)

Average customer rating:

Best. Movie. Ever. Period.
Cheesy but entertaining!!
One of the greatest movies ever made!
Big Trouble in Little China
May the wings of Liberty never lose a feather!

Big Trouble in Little China (Single Disc Edition)
Starring: Kate Burton , Kim Cattrall , Chao Li Chi , Dennis Dun , and Jade Go
Manufacturer: 20th Century Fox
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: B000067J1G
Release Date: 2002-08-27

Amazon.com

Once you settle into the realization that this 1986 John Carpenter (Halloween) film is not going to be one of the director's more masterful works, Big Trouble in Little China just becomes a full-tilt comic blast. Kurt Russell is hilarious as a drawling, would-be John Wayne hero who steps into the middle of a supernatural war in the heart of Chinatown. While kung fu warriors and otherworldly spirits battle over the fate of two women (Kim Cattrall and Suzee Pai), Russell's swaggering idiot manages to knock himself out or underestimate the forces he's dealing with. The whole thing is dopey, but it's supposed to be dopey and Russell's game performance brings an ironic edge. Carpenter directs some nifty spook effects (the sudden arrival of three martial arts demigods from out of nowhere is worth applause), and he also wrote the music. --Tom Keogh

Description

Directed by thrill master John Carpenter, this edgo-of-your seat adventrue stars Kurt Russell as Jack Burton, a tough-talking, wisecracking truck driver whose hum-drum life on the road takes a sudden supernatural tailspin when his best friend's fiancee is kidnapped. Speeding to the rescue, Jack finds himself deep beneath San Francisco's Chinatown, in a murky, creature-filled world ruled by Lo Pan, a 2000-year-old magician who mercilessly presides over an empire of spirits. Dodging demons and facing baffling terrors, Jack battles his way through Lo Pan's dark domain in a full-throttle, action-riddled ride to rescue the girl. Co-starring Kim Cattrall, this effects-filled sci-fi spectacle speeds to an incredible, twist-taking finish.

Customer Reviews:

Best. Movie. Ever. Period........2007-06-12

Just listen to the old Porkchop Express, alright? When you want to get the buddies together on a dark and stormy night and have a great time, all you need is some brews, some grub, and a copy of Big Trouble in Little China. This has got to be one of the greatest examples of a hilarious, great fun, buddy comedy-action flick ever devised. You will not be able to stop laughing. Your significant other will consider dumping you because you won't stop quoting it. You will never be able to stop doing the kung fu hand sign the good guys flash at each other during the flick. The greatest characters, most absurd dialogue, this one has it all. Go to the store right now and tell 'em old Jack Burton sent you for a copy. 'Nuff said.

Cheesy but entertaining!!.......2007-05-14

Cheesy but very entertaining. Very 80s. Not Curt's best stuff but very worth while viewing. His best work.............Captin Ron!!!

One of the greatest movies ever made!.......2007-04-11

Funny, action packed, martial arts, magic, monsters, great (but cheesy) dialogue - truly representative of the Golden Age of Movies (aka, the 80's). The first time I saw this flick, I watched it once a day for 30 days. Did I mention that this is one of many of great John Carpenter films?

Get with it, 'cause for this price, you'll be thanking me for your trip through nostalgia!!

Big Trouble in Little China.......2007-03-29

The name is Burton, Jack Burton. Fun, action, adventure. If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend it. Jack Burton belongs up there with Jack Sparrow, Indiana Jones, and Han Solo.
When the movie came out, I had hoped for the futher adventures of Jack Burton. Maybe someday someone will write them, for now, all we can do is keep a list of favorite Jack Burtonisms "Its all in the reflexes."

May the wings of Liberty never lose a feather!.......2007-01-25

As many have said before: You either get this movie or you don't. Predating mixed-genre TV shows like 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' by a decade, BTILC was an odd duck in 1986. Comedy, buddy action flick, thriller, drama, kung fu fest, fantasy, parody - it's all over the map and all of it is fun.

Just let it do its thing, sit back, and enjoy. The check is in the mail!

Average customer rating:

Conan the Humorous
typical 80's fantasy
This movie reeked
An action adventure movie whose faults (of which there are many) are now charming in their cheesiness
A must have movie!!!

Conan the Destroyer
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger , Grace Jones , Wilt Chamberlain , Mako , and Tracey Walter
Director: Richard Fleischer
Manufacturer: Universal Studios
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Red Sonja
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ASIN: 0783225946
Release Date: 1998-03-31

Amazon.com

The dark, brooding tone of Conan the Barbarian is replaced in this rousing sequel by a lighter, more humorous tone and one of the campiest casts ever assembled. This time, Conan is assigned by a duplicitous queen (Sarah Douglas) to escort a virgin princess (Olivia d'Abo) on a treacherous trek to a crystal palace where they will retrieve a priceless gemstone. Basketball champ and self-described Lothario Wilt Chamberlain plays Bombaata, a warrior sent on a secret mission to kill Conan, and the androgynous Grace Jones plays Zula, a wild woman who becomes Conan's loyal ally. Some consider this sequel a disappointment, but the film makes no apologies for its silliness, and that's the key to its success as gloriously pulpy entertainment. --Jeff Shannon

Customer Reviews:

Conan the Humorous.......2007-07-03

"Conan the Barbarian" was an awesome Sword and Sorcery film. That movie is one of the few well-produced high fantasy movies in existence. The expectations for this movie were high given the success of the earlier movie. It was probably inevitable that this sequel was not going to be as good as the original.

Conan has gone back to being a thief. He is doing yoga or contemplating a rock or something like that while his annoying cohort in crime Malak (Tracey Walter, "Annie Hall," "Midnight Run" and "Batman") is counting the spoils. Armored guys intent on some nefarious purpose surround the pair and attempt to capture them. Conan is annoyed at having his yoga interrupted and decides to show his displeasure by hacking apart quite a few of the armored guys until Bombaata (basketball great Wilt Chamberlain in his only acting role) has the armored guys cease throwing themselves on Conan's sword. We then discover that one of the armored guys is actually Queen Taramisu - no, wait, that is a dessert, I think. I meant Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas, "Superman," "Superman II," and "Solarbabies"). Queen Taramis tells Conan that she can bring back Conan's beloved and dead Valeria if he will baby sit a hot blond while she seeks a phal...oops, I meant a HORN, which Queen Taramis needs to do something that we learn about later.

The rest of this movie is a relatively fun quest, interspersed with moments of humor. Conan gets drunk, ignores Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) because he is too busy killing people and thinking about Valeria, and tries to avoid having to think of witty one-liners. Grace Jones has a lot of fun as warrior Zula. Mako makes his second, marvelous appearance in a Conan film as the Wizard Akiro. One person who deserves mention is André the Giant's appearance as Dagoth. It is impossible to see André under the makeup. André made a more memorable appearance as Fezzik in "The Princess Bride."

This movie is flawed. The special effects are weak in some areas. Some of the acting is weak or obnoxious. The humor may have been excessive, and the rawness that marked the exuberance and honesty of "Conan the Barbarian" is lacking. In spite of these flaws, many of which appeared to help aim the movie toward teens and children, this movie has a lot going for it. Conan has a lot of non-stop action, and rarely does Conan take much of anything, except Valeria, serious. The outdoor sets are incredible. Conan wisely says little, relying on lots of facial expressions and bulky muscles instead. The action drives the plot and rarely gives a viewer time to focus on the flaws.

"Conan the Destroyer" is clearly inferior to "Conan the Barbarian." However, this movie is still a lot of fun and I enjoy it each time I watch it. The flaws in this movie may make the movie less than what it could have been, but the flaws are not enough to sink it. I give this movie a cautious recommendation to fans of the original, high fantasy, sword and sorcery, and Conan.

Enjoy!

typical 80's fantasy .......2007-01-24

I have seen this movie several times. While it does have a few good moments, it is not enough to save this film. So why do i own this? After the masterpiece that was the first film, why would i have bought this and subject myself to watching it again. The answer is simple. It's because of the score. And even that doesn't save this film. This film is a mere watered down take on the first that takes a great character and turns him into a mere shadow of his former self. All the moments in this movie intended to be funny really aren't. All the serious moments can only make me chuckle. I mean, who wants to see a basketball star (wilt chamberlin) trying to play some warrior. Or some singer (grace jones) trying to act when she should clearly be singing. How a song of hers wasnt on the score seems amazing. So be thankful that some corporate bigwig in some studio decided to not use rock music in this score. Be thankful that Basil Poledouris got the chance to make this score. Without it, this film would be even more of a monstrosity than it already is. But hey, i still have this film in my collection. But this movie is not for everyone. so if you want real gut wrenching blood and gore stick with the first film. Your eyes will thank you and so will your ears.

This movie reeked.......2006-11-19

How is it possible that 7 years after Star Wars and 3 years after Excalibur, Hollywood could still produce a movie of such pathetic special effects, nightmarish casting, and ugly, amateurish cinematography? What a mess.

An action adventure movie whose faults (of which there are many) are now charming in their cheesiness.......2006-06-07

Filming movies back-to-back is nothing new, the obvious savings and advantages on sharing production costs, crew and even marketing meant that the second and third BACK TO THE FUTURE films were filmed simultaneously in the late 1980s. Even today the two sequels to PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN are being filmed hand-in-hand and there are reports that the second Daniel Craig 007 movie will enter into production shortly after the crew have wrapped CASINO ROYALE.
So, it should be no surprise then that the second Conan movie was part of a similar back-to-back deal in the early- to mid-1980s. But what is surprising is that the movie that partnered with the rollicking adventure movie was a quirky science fiction blockbuster from David Lynch named DUNE.
That's right, as that big-budget turkey was roasting under the Mexican sun, a pre-Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger was working on a much more entertaining movie with a colorful cast of characters.
Based (rather loosely) on the series of novels by Robert E. Howard, this 1984 feature was a sequel to the much darker and more sinister 1982 movie CONAN THE BARBARIAN and saw Schwarzenegger reprise his role as the monumentally strong thief and adventurer.
The director of this entry, the veteran Richard Fleischer actually owed his hire for this movie to another movie he had made almost 30 years earlier, 1958's THE VIKINGS. Producer Raffaella De Laurentiis had commented that since they had tried to copy that movies style and look for the 1982 picture, why not hire that movie's director for this production - and so Fleischer was hired.
Once hired Fleischer set about shaping the movie to his liking. One of the most publicized, decisions he made was telling an incredulous Schwarzenegger that he needed to buff up a bit more. Fleischer said that at the time of the release of CONAN THE BARBARIAN he had been disappointed that Arnold's incredible physique had been covered up for most of the movie, Fleischer also consciously set about making this a lighter entry to the series. The Conan here has a number of genuinely comedic moments, from punching a camel, a horse and attempting to teach a beautiful princess how to wield his sword, Schwarzenegger shows early promise in a genre that would not fully be realized until movies such as TWINS and KINDERGARTEN COP.
Joining Schwarzenegger this time is Sarah Douglas (of SUPERMAN II fame) as the evil Queen Taramis who enlists Conan's help in retrieving a crystal and in turn a magical jeweled horn. Former basketball star Wilt Chamberlain is on board also as the towering Bombaata, who is charged with keeping the princess Jehnna, who is destined to bring back the mystical object (played by the impossibly beautiful Olivia D'Abo) a virgin so that she can be sacrificed. Along the way Conan's ragtag group meet up with Zula, played by Grace Jones. The scene that introduced Jones' character sees her wielding a stick against a group of tormentors and reportedly she landed a few strikes sending a couple of stuntmen in the hospital. It was in fact her role here that brought her to the attention of the James Bond producers that in turn led to her starring in Roger Moore's swan song as 007 in 1985's A VIEW TO A KILL. Far from a great acting display her character still provides a number of memorable moments and is one of the movie's highlights.
The special effects are very dated by today's standards and Pat Roach (veteran of NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN and the Indiana Jones movies) makeup as the wizard Toth-Amon guarding the crystal really is appallingly fake-looking. But the movie is a good popcorn flick that is both fun and fast-paced enough that you can easily forgive these lapses.
Interestingly in the audio commentary that accompanied CONAN THE BARBARIAN Schwarzenegger commented that he would be interested in making a third Conan movie. Sadly this has not been forthcoming and now that he looks intent on pursuing political goals it appears less and less likely. A shame.
This movie is nowhere near as good as its predecessor, but it's still recommended for those rainy Saturday afternoons.

A must have movie!!!.......2006-05-06

this was an fun fantasy-action movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger as a powerful kick ass/warrior. Arnold is so damm sexy with all the muscle showing sword-fighting ....And yes, the movie is visually interesting, too, even though, the special effects are obsolete and a little goofy...but thats ok...its an old movie now... A movie I love seeing over and over again...a movie that is a must have for any Arnold -Fan!

Average customer rating:

Do not buy it
Grand adaption
good stuff
Garbage! Pure trash!
"Beware, the power that was simple now has grown"

The Return of the King
Starring: Orson Bean , Theodore Bikel , William Conrad , John Huston , and Roddy McDowall
Director: Arthur Rankin Jr. , and Jules Bass
Manufacturer: Warner Home Video
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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The Hobbit
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J.R.R. Tolkien Animated Films Set (The Hobbit/The Lord of the Rings/The Return of the King)

ASIN: B00005MP5D
Release Date: 2001-09-11

Amazon.com

The creative team behind 1978's impressive animation feature based on J.R.R. Tolkien's Hobbit return with this entry drawn from Tolkien's famous Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's good work all around, and not at all the kind of feature-length cartoon that reduces good books to treacle. Orson Bean returns as the voice of Bilbo Baggins as well as that of the trilogy's hero, Frodo. John Huston is commanding again as the voice of the wizard Gandalf, and also in the vocal cast are William Conrad, Paul Frees, and Roddy McDowall. --Tom Keogh

Customer Reviews:

Do not buy it.......2007-07-06

I bought this "Lords of the Rings" (animated) DVD (and sold it again on eBay almost nothing).

The movie covered "The Fellowship of the Rings" and "The Two Towers". The Movie was actually well made and I bought "The Return of the King" blindly. I was very disappointed. Part III is not a Kids Book (it is not "The Hobbit" (This DVD was nice and appropriate)). "The Return Of The King" (Animated) is like a bad Disney Movie. I read the books a couple times and after 10 Minutes watching "The Return of the King".. I could not stand it no more and turned it off. I just can give you this advice: DON'T BUY IT! Take your kids to the cinema and watch a nice Disney movie instead.

(Original review March 12, 2002)

Grand adaption.......2007-06-25

I found this film to be absolutely wonderful. The many songs were great, and the odd animation was beautiful, especialy the backgrounds. The animation was highly stylized, unlike Ralph Bakshi's Lord of the rings cartoon. Bakshi and his use of rotoscoping was horrid at some points, such as the battle of helm's deep, while this movie is beautiful throuhougt. The design of the creatures and characters was great as well. Truly a superior adaption of one of the greatest works of literature ever written.

good stuff.......2007-05-29

It was nice to see this animated version. I had seen The Hobbit when it came out, but don't think I had seen this. Lots of fun

Garbage! Pure trash!.......2006-10-13

The only reason I gave this one star is because I don't have the option to give it '0'! What pile of stinking refuse this waste of time and money is. Someone here said that you need to keep in mind that this was a made-for-TV cartoon aimed at children, much like the Rankin-Bass version of the hobbit (which I love, by the way). THIS VERSION OF RETURN OF THE KING SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN MADE! The story is NOT a children's tale! It's just NOT! Too much of the manuscript needed to be changed and toned down in order to make it so. The entire screen adaptation is worthless. The only memorable scene is before the Black Gate with the Mouth of Sauron (which was decently done despite the rest of the 'movie'). There is one reason, and one reason alone to buy this foul, pitiful excuse for a DVD; you already have the The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings animated movies, and you want to have the full tale.

GARBAGE! I SAY! TRASH! YUK, YUK, YUK!

"Beware, the power that was simple now has grown".......2006-07-05

Rankin-Bass' "Return of the King" is by far the most underrated of the six films that have been adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. One has to bear in mind that it was an animated prime-time television special aimed at children, that it was intended to be at least halfway comprehensible to viewers whose only previous Middle-earth knowledge came from the Rankin-Bass "Hobbit", and that the filmmakers were apparently unable to use any material whatsoever from the previous two volumes of Tolkien's trilogy.

Given all those restrictions and obstacles, it's amazing how good the Rankin-Bass RotK is and how much of Tolkien's work it captures. Viewers get to see many elements of the book that were excluded from the Peter Jackson films, from little things like the all-white standard of the Stewards of Gondor to big moments like Sam feeling pity for Gollum on Mount Doom. I also think Rankin-Bass' ending is sadder, and closer to the spirit of Tolkien's ending, than that of Jackson's trilogy.

So I wholeheartedly recommend this film for younger viewers. And as for all you adult Tolkien aficionados who have heard nothing but bad things about this movie: Give it a try; you just might like it!

Average customer rating:

A lame disappointment...
One Hot Scene
Oh,man!!!
Eat my shorts
BEST MOVIE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

The Chosen One: Legend of the Raven
Starring: Conrad Bachmann , Tim Bagley , Carmen Electra , Billy A. Fox , and Leslie Hunt (III)
Manufacturer: TROMA ENTERTAINMENT INC.
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: 6304905920
Release Date: 1998-08-12

Description

Hot "Baywatch" babe Carmen Electra made the break from TV to star as the sensuous title character in The Chosen One. A cataclysmic battle between good and evil is waged by a sexy superheroine known as the Chosen One. In Legend of the Raven, a serial killer mysteriously and savagely murders a young Indian woman in rural Los Angeles county, her sister McKenna (Electra) must replace her as the keeper of a sacred and powerful amulet. Reluctantly, McKenna accepts the role of chosen one. McKenna's powers include a thirst for milk and great sexual energy. Playboy Playmate India Allen produces. Available in rated and unrated versions.

Customer Reviews:

A lame disappointment..........2005-01-20

Much of the plot didn't make sense, and the acting was B- at best. Thus, one was hoping for a little more female display that frankly never materialized. With several hot chicks, there's only one scene of any consequence and that's with Carmen who's beautiful face and overall figure is frankly diminished by an apparently stiff set of implants. But, that's the world these days. So, if you're a Carmen Electra fan, it's still a good addition to your video library.

One Hot Scene.......2002-12-27

This otherwise lame video has one hot scene that is too short. She pours milk over body and a guy goes to town with simulated sex. Carmen Electra has one of the all-time best bodies ever. I know they didn't cast her for her acting skills so they should have had her nude a lot more. I bought this to see her nude and felt ripped off. Do yourself a favor and rent it. Then go buy Jennaville or America's Wildest Bachelor Parties to see some real nudity.

Oh,man!!!.......2002-11-04

Sometimes i wonder why some movies such like this, really exist!!
Although i love Carmen Electra, I wouldn't ever recommend this film to anyone...
It is what we call, a useless movie! It has nothing to offer and absolutely nothing worth seeing except for the naked body of the sexy protagonist... I own it only because of her, and although i hadn't expected it to be good, it was terrible!! It dissapointed me...

Eat my shorts.......2001-06-20

I cant believe some of the reviews to this movie. I thought this movie totally rocked. Like for instance where carmen pours a jug of milk down herself its so hot. To give this movie such a harsh review leaves me wondering what the hells wrong with you.

BEST MOVIE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.......2001-02-02

Wow, this is one underappreciated movie that has great acting, nudity, action andSPANISH subtitles!!!!!!

Average customer rating:

mark paul gosselaar the world loves you
THE TERMINATOR MEETS FIRESTARTER
Specimen - A movie so bad it is good
Mark-Paul Gosselaar--great!
The keyword is: BATHTUB

Specimen
Starring: Mark-Paul Gosselaar , Douglas O'Keeffe , Ingrid Kavelaars , Andrew Jackson (II) , and David Kerman
Director: John Bradshaw
Manufacturer: Allumination
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: B00008HCCA
Release Date: 2003-08-05

Amazon.com

Mark Paul Goesselaar fans won't be disappointed with Specimen. They're probably too young to remember Firestarter or The Terminator so they won't recognize where most of the plot came from. Mike (played by Goesselaar, who was the blonde kid on the original TV show "Saved by the Bell") starts fires with his mind and is probably a spawn from an alien species. He is tracked down by Eleven, a bounty-hunter/racial-cleanser/clean-up-janitor--who knows?--but Eleven really wants to destroy Mike. Most of this chase takes place in the largest community center in the free world. For all its plot and scene pilfering, there's an attempt at originality (Mike has to sleep in the bathtub to keep from burning down the house), but most of the time, this film can barely produce a spark. --Keith Simanton

Description

27 years ago they came from space to plant a seed in the womb of Carol Hillary. Now they're back to reclaim their own. When a mysterious alien presence shatters the calm of sleepy Spruce Lake, Mark Hillary must face the aliens that created him.

Customer Reviews:

mark paul gosselaar the world loves you.......2006-12-03

i have met a lot of famous people in my time. my family are of english royal decent. but mark paul gosselaar is the best his acting skills are truly amazing and the ability to make the audience believe what ever he wants them to believe. i have every single film of his in my collection and there is not one i dont dislike.
in this film he plays his character amazingly well and what a great story mark is my favourite actor and i dont know if we shall ever meet again or if he will read this but he is the best at what he does in the world.

buy this film now you wont be dissapointed

lee w frayling. hr7 4js herefordshire england

THE TERMINATOR MEETS FIRESTARTER.......2004-04-16

SPECIMEN is a molding of two other movies: "Firestarter" and "The Terminator." They even have the two aliens appear in the buff, cute little buns and all. Mark Paul Gosselaar plays Mike, a young man who has the ability to start fires; he is the spawn of an alien who impregnated his mother, and the aliens have sent a terminator type guy (played with muscular aloof by Douglas O'Keefe) to bring him back or destroy him (why, they never say). In steps another alien, Andrew Jackson, who we find out has closer ties to Mike.
Mike teams up with a teacher and the local sheriff to understand what's going on; the sheriff (played dead pan by David Kerman) believes the story about Mike's birth, but Mike doesn't. How else can he explain his powers, though?
Low budget and corny, SPECIMEN nevertheless works because there's a modicum of sincerity to its thin storyline. The special effects are chintzy, but the locale is beautiful.

Specimen - A movie so bad it is good.......2002-11-01

I would almost consider the movie "Specimen" a high class "B" movie in the SciFi genre. If you liked the movie "Firestarter" with Drew Barrymore in the '80's, you may like this movie.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Saved By the Bell) actually does a decent job in his role as Mike Hillary. In this, what I consider to be, a low buget film.

Think of "specimen" as an updated version of the movie "Firestarter." Specimen has more of an alien feel to it, on a low budget scale. I am not into "B" type movies. However I can say I liked this movie. A movie so bad it's good.

Recomended for the SciFi or "B" movie fan

Mark-Paul Gosselaar--great!.......2000-05-09

I liked this movie. The story is intriguing. The only problem I had with this movie was with some of the writing--it was a little bit stilted in some places. The character of "Eleven" was just a little bit lame. I thought Mark-Paul Gosselaar was great. He made the character (Mike) believable and sympathetic and made the whole movie watchable and enjoyable. I liked that this movie wasn't just a bunch of scenes jumbled together for effect, but told a slowly unfolding story as it went along.

The keyword is: BATHTUB.......1999-11-03

The singular point of watching this is the considerably lovely footage of MarkPaul Gosselaar, soaking wet, in the bathtub, in his underpants. Otherwise, it's a paperweight.

Average customer rating:

The Bionic Woman Vol.1 - (3 Episodes)
Starring: Abe Vigoda, Julie Newmar, Evel Knievel, Barry Sullivan Vincent Price
Manufacturer: Universal Pictures
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

Product Description

This collection includes Three Episodes. 1. "Black Magic" (featuring Vincent Price and Julie Newmar), 2. "Motorcycle Boogie" (featuring Evel Knievel), and 3. "The Jailing of Jaime".

Average customer rating:

Quite possibly the most ridiculous movie ever made
Better Than Expected
no redeeming social - or any other - value.
pretty awful

Zeta One
Starring: James Robertson Justice , Charles Hawtrey , Robin Hawdon , Anna Gaël , and Brigitte Skay
Director: Michael Cort
Manufacturer: Image Entertainment
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Can You Keep It Up for a Week (Unrated)
The Au Pair Girls
Matt Helm Lounge (The Silencers/ Murderers Row/The Ambushers/The Wrecking Crew)
Lust for a Vampire
Sex Clinic

ASIN: B00005TNFH
Release Date: 2002-01-29

Description

This sexual cocktail of "Austin Powers"-type kitsch is based on a story from the popular sixties magazine Zeta. Following a game of strip poker, blonde bombshell Ann Olsen (Yutte Stensgaard) learns that Special Agent James Word (Robin Horden) is investigating Public Enemy No.1, Major Borden (James Robertson Justice). With the assistance of the nerdy Swyne (Charles Hawtrey), Borden is investigating a race of sexy, scantily-clad super women, led by the shapely Zeta (Dawn Addams). It seems that attractive young women are being abducted from Earth and then brainwashed into serving Zeta, all wearing kinky, fetishistic outfits. Borden's plan is to track down Zeta and her seductive sirens and become their new ruler.

Customer Reviews:

Quite possibly the most ridiculous movie ever made.......2004-01-03

I paid special attention to the end credits of this film, fully expecting to see a formal apology by everyone associated with the making of this indescribably bad film. It is bad enough that this film was actually made, but now a company called Salvation has made this one of the first two releases of its Jezebel lineup of DVDs. Don't let the presence of scantily clad and topless women fool you - Zeta One is an abysmal film. I don't know who the looker on the box cover is - no one this attractive can be found in the film. This 1969 British film is supposedly kitschy, whatever that really means; from what I can tell, it means embarrassingly ridiculous.

If you read the summary of the film, you will be wondering if you were sent the wrong movie as you watch the opening third of the movie. This may be the most boring twenty-five minutes ever caught on film; even the big strip poker scene is mind-numbingly tedious. Worst of all, we have to spend so much time with the film's main character James Word. I would not even insult James Bond by calling James Word a poor spoof of the man. Word is a spy of some sort who spends most of his time in bed. This is made possible by strange women who magically appear in his apartment from out of the blue. Girl number one is his boss' secretary, which allows her to see through Worth's "brilliant" fake moustache disguise; she pumps him for information about his latest mission, but he has other things on his mind. Did I mention the fact that Worth is a pitiful, rather slimy specimen of manhood? Anyway, Worth eventually opens up and tells girl number one this incredible story about a race of superwomen and the master criminal who tried to conquer them.

Yes, a Major Bourdon and his bespectacled dweeb of an assistant Mr. Swyne have learned of the existence of a race of superwomen who live - well, no one really knows where they live; we do know they kidnap selected Earth women in order to brainwash them and make them a part of their female-only society. Major Bourdon is determined to get to the bottom of this for some reason that is never explained. Luckily for him, the Zeta women (Zeta is the name of their leader; I could never understand the name they were given in the film) all dress in identical mini-dresses and go-go boots, making it easy to follow them. (The mini-dresses and go-go boots are pretty much all this film has going for it.) Swyne learns that a certain stripper (actually, none other than the "Queen of the G-strings") is to be the next kidnapped girl, and Bourdon puts his plan in motion of discovering how (and where) to conquer these alien women. It all goes downhill from here. I won't describe the silly information we learn about the mysterious Amazon-like women's society or Word's proclivity for bedding every strange woman that appears from out of nowhere in his bedroom. Word does finally drag himself out of bed toward the end of the film, but he soon returns to the only place he seems to care about. Don't worry too much about the alien women; they have a Plan 69 for anything, it seems. You won't believe the weapon these girls use on silly human men, but you will see the absolutely predictable ending coming from a mile away.

Truly, Zeta One (aka Alien Women) is one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. You can have a lot of fun with this film if you make a big party out of it and settle in with a bunch of friends to watch what is the ultimate embodiment of cinematic silliness; apparently, this film exists only for the purpose of being laughed at. Keep a special eye out for the big and absolutely ridiculous "elevator" scene.

Better Than Expected.......2003-09-23

Secret Agent James Word (I guess his word is his bond) has just returned from a mission. He is met by his superior's assistant (his superior is UU (Double-U like an upside down M)). She plays coy and sexy but really just wants the details of his mission. During breaks in apparent intimacy he recounts his tale.

He has been investigating a Major Bourdin who has been have a series of run ins with a mysterious force of women. They are led by Zeta and have the ability to teleport. It is unknown if they are from space, the future or another dimension, but they have set up a colony of women. They add to the colony through kidnaping and brainwashing.

The film appears to have made no attempt at being erotic (check out the strip poker scene as an example) and the plotting is wooden (although some of the actual acting is quite good).

In the end we learn what the secretary is really up to and the final fate of James. I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would based on the other reviews.

no redeeming social - or any other - value........2003-04-01

Boy, it's not often you find a film that is this amateurish in so many ways. The comedy isn't funny, the nudity is anerotic. The plot makes no sense. It has terrible pacing and editing and cinematography and so forth and so on.

If the dialog had been written by Ed Wood, it would be exactly like an Ed Wood film, and that would be a major improvement.

pretty awful.......2003-02-10

There are no words to describe the badness of this movie. After the fabulous "Au Pair Girls" and the decent "Intimate Games", this one was a major letdown. This movie's all over the place, as if it were filmed, edited, half of it cut out, and new footage was filmed in and around what remained of the original plot. The careful viewer will notice that the opening and intermittent sequences with the secret agent don't interact at all with any of the rest of the plot, as if filmed and added afterward. This weak "James Bond" parody seems to have been added to an unrelated movie afterward, and what remains of the original plot is now incomprehensible, with its characters simply disappearing into plot holes. Even if you're a major fan of the genre, this is definitely an avoid. "Au Pair Girls", on the other hand, loosely associated in current release with this one, is a much, much better example of the genre.

Average customer rating:

mark paul gosselaar the world loves you
THE TERMINATOR MEETS FIRESTARTER
Specimen - A movie so bad it is good
Mark-Paul Gosselaar--great!
The keyword is: BATHTUB

Specimen
Starring: Mark-Paul Gosselaar , Douglas O'Keeffe , Ingrid Kavelaars , Andrew Jackson (II) , and David Kerman
Director: John Bradshaw
Manufacturer: Simitar Ent.
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

General | Science Fiction & Fantasy | Genres | DVD | Video

Alien Invasion | Science Fiction & Fantasy | Genres | DVD | Video

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ASIN: 6305290814
Release Date: 1999-02-08

Amazon.com

Customer Reviews:

mark paul gosselaar the world loves you.......2006-12-03

THE TERMINATOR MEETS FIRESTARTER.......2004-04-16

Specimen - A movie so bad it is good.......2002-11-01

I would almost consider the movie "Specimen" a high class "B" movie in the SciFi genre. If you liked the movie "Firestarter" with Drew Barrymore in the '80's, you may like this movie.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Saved By the Bell) actually does a decent job in his role as Mike Hillary. In this, what I consider to be, a low buget film.

Recomended for the SciFi or "B" movie fan

Mark-Paul Gosselaar--great!.......2000-05-09

The keyword is: BATHTUB.......1999-11-03

The singular point of watching this is the considerably lovely footage of MarkPaul Gosselaar, soaking wet, in the bathtub, in his underpants. Otherwise, it's a paperweight.

Average customer rating:

old "skool" kung fu for real
The last part is OK..
The last part is OK..
Hard to rate - but worth the watch.
A GOOD KUNG-FU MOVIE; 3.5 STARS

Blood of the Dragon
Starring: Jim Peck (II) , John Chappell (IV) , Edward Zilke , Terrell Bennett , and Ian Whyte (III)
Director: Pao-Shu Kao
Manufacturer: Woodhaven Ent
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: B000056HT0
Release Date: 2000-12-05

Customer Reviews:

old "skool" kung fu for real.......2006-05-12

This is truly one of Jimmy Wang's best performance using weaponery. Definately a classical ending to be remembered. I too was torn on a 3 or 4 star, it was the ending which really impressed me.

The last part is OK.........2005-10-21

The main gimmick is that the main character uses a silver spear; to stab, poke and slash with great aplomb.
Most of the grainy film is pretty boring and it has been directly transferred to DVD with no clean up, BUT there are some good fight scenes to be found here. Fast forward to the last 20 minutes of the film, lots of bloody action.

The last part is OK.........2005-10-21

Hard to rate - but worth the watch........2005-08-08

I was torn between a 3 and 4 star on this film (It is worth noting that I have the Platinum version rather than this version- so I will not speak of DVD quality). Ultimately the ending convinced me of the need for a 4 star review. The final 20 minutes are the sort of stand off you expect from a classic picture. Unfortunately, the build up could've used a bit of comic relief and/or more character development of the general. Well now I am getting technical for an otherwise entertaining movie. No one can strike a pose like Wang Yu! See more great selections at "Kung Fu for the Sole" Listmania.

A GOOD KUNG-FU MOVIE; 3.5 STARS.......2005-01-03

A MAN NAMED THE WHITE DRAGON MUST FIGHT TO SAVE HIS COUNTRY FROM TYRANNICAL RULE. GOOD FIGHTS BUT THIN STORY. IT'S A GOOD MARTIAL ARTS MOVIE OVERALL. YOU SHOULD ENJOY IT. THAT DUBBING IS HILLARIOUS, THOUGH.

Average customer rating:

Terrible Quality.

Blood Of The Ninja
Starring: Lung Fei , Wang Yu , Chiao Chiao , and Jimmy Wang Yu
Director: Jimmy Wang Yu , and Kao Pao Shu
Manufacturer: Passion Productions
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

General | Action & Adventure | Genres | DVD | Video

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Crash Masters: The Sword (1971)

ASIN: B0001F7TXU
Release Date: 2002-07-14

Product Description

The White dragon is an outlaw who lives by his own set of rules. He serves no master, except for himself. All that changes, when he steps in to protect a young boy, who has been entrusted with a list of names of rebel supporters to the leader of the movement against the Mongolians.

Customer Reviews:

Terrible Quality........2007-04-07

I just want to say that this Movie looks better on the old VHS.

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