Thirteen Ghosts

Starring:Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Alec Roberts, JR Bourne, Rah Digga, F. Murray Abraham, Matthew Harrison (III), Jacob Rupp, Mike Crestejo, Aubrey Culp, Charles Andre (II), Mikhael Speidel, Daniel Wesley, Laura Mennell, Kathryn Anderson, Craig Olejnik, Shawna Loyer, Xantha Radley
Director: Steve Beck
Studio: Warner Home Video
Product Type: DVD

Amazon.com

Cool sets, gory make-up, and frantic energy are given high priority in this glossy remake of William Castle's 1960 haunted-house chiller. The original boasted its "Illusion-O" ghost-viewing gimmick, so this remake's producers--as they did with 1999's The House on Haunted Hill--up the ante on Castle's showmanship by spilling ample amounts of blood, guts, and ghoulish glory. The plot's essentially the same: An impoverished family inherits a luxurious haunted mansion, only this time it's an elaborate, maze-like mechanism of glass, gears, and Latin incantations--"designed by the devil and powered by the dead"--with a cellar full of tormented, undead souls. As the family (including Tony Shalhoub and American Pie's Shannon Elizabeth) enlists the aid of a psychic (Scream alumnus Matthew Lillard) and a ghostbusting paranormal (Embeth Davidtz), this updated 13 Ghosts grows loud and ludicrous, trading shocks for yuks and nuance for nonsense. It's fun, to a point, after which it's just exhausting. --Jeff Shannon

Description

A family inherits an elegant steel-and-glass mansion from a deceased relative. The catch is that along with the house comes a slew of ghosts that can be seen only through special goggles.

Dark Castle Horror Collection (House of Wax 2005 / Gothika / Ghost Ship / Thirteen Ghosts / House on Haunted Hill 1999)

Average customer rating:

Dark and dismal

Dark Castle Horror Collection (House of Wax 2005 / Gothika / Ghost Ship / Thirteen Ghosts / House on Haunted Hill 1999)
Starring: Elisha Cuthbert , Chad Michael Murray , Brian Van Holt , Paris Hilton , and Jared Padalecki
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra , Mathieu Kassovitz , and Steve Beck
Manufacturer: Warner Home Video
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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ASIN: B000K4X5P8
Release Date: 2007-02-20

Description

Horror. Suspense. Thrills. From the company launched by Joel Silver, Robert Zemeckis, and Gilbert Adler HOUSE OF WAX First the whacks, then the wax. Road-tripping collegians step into a backwater town's eerie tourist trap. Chad Michael Murray, Jared Padalecki and Paris Hilton. GOTHIKA A Dark Castle original! At Woodward Penitentiary for Women, someone - or something - is very twisted. And very deadly. Halle Berry, Penelope Cruz and Robert Downey Jr. GHOST SHIP Salvagers trained for anything imaginable face the unimaginable - an adrift cruise ship hexed by a seafaring collector of souls. Julianna Margulies, Gabriel Byrne and Isaiah Washington. THIRTEEN GHOSTS Is their dream home a living nightmare? A family moves into a spectacular home they inherited... but there may be no way out. Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz and Matthew Lillard. HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL One night in the house, one million bucks, no questions asked. The offer is easy to accept. Just try to survive long enough to collect! Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen and Taye Diggs.

Customer Reviews:

Dark and dismal.......2006-11-12

t would be hard to find a collection of horror movies that is as completely worthless as the "Dark Castle Horror Collection." Every movie here is an atrocious compost heap of "boo" scares and verbal drivel, until the best thing you can do is switch on some Vincent Price movies. The best thing here is an impaled Paris Hilton.

Six nubile twentysomethings are en route to a basebell game when (surprise surprise) they break down. To make matters worse, their car is sabotaged by a mysterious figure in the woods. So a few manage to get into town... only to find that some sort of dementoid is running the "House of Wax," and they are going to be the next attraction.

"Gothika" is one of those blots on Halle Berry's resume: She plays a criminal psychologist at a women's prison, and to make things a bit more convenient, she's married to her boss. But her world takes a horrifying turn when she has a car accident, and wakes to find herself an inmate at the prison -- accused of murdering her hubby. And she's seeing ghosts to boot.

"Ghost Ship" makes trouble for a salvage crew, when they find an Italian ocean liner that has been wandering the seas since the 1960s. Something horrifying (and very bloody) happened there when the liner vanished, and when the salvage crew claims the boat, they are slowly picked off by supernatural forces. From the liner, of course.

"Thirteen Ghosts" haunt Cyrus Kriticos's house, which has been left to his grieving nephew Arthur (Tony Shalhoub) and his family. Of course, they decide to head inside -- only to discover that the tormented souls are very real. And worse, they're trapped in a house that is a "machine" to open the very gates of hell. Saw that coming.

"House on Haunted Hill" cinematically rapes the original cult classic. An oddball millionaire (Geoffrey Rush) invites several people to an old lunatic asylum, which is said to be haunted -- if they make it through the night, they will each receive a million dollars. But then the ghosts of the asylum start rising and killing the people there -- assuming that they don't kill each other first.

Horror movies are struggling at the moment, since moviemakers don't have the slightest idea how to creep people out. And so we end up with dreck like these miserable gorefests -- pile on the blood, guts and cheesy cliches, and hope that people actually care enough to watch to the end. It's hard to imagine that anyone would.

"Gothika" ends up being one of the few with an actual plot, albeit a ridiculous one. The other movies are just variations of the typical "locked in a haunted house" storyline, with the requisite mutilated bodies and CGI ghosts. None of them have much atmosphere at all, and the goofy-looking ghosts may inspire laughter instead of fear.

There are a few decent actors in these messes, such as Berry, Robert Downey Jr., and the ever-lovable Shalhoub. Unfortunately, most of the actors are forgettable and bland, and are only called on to shriek out incredibly silly lines ("The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? Cause it's a f**king HOUSE!"). "House of Wax" also has the dubious honor of having socialite Paris Hilton in it, though admittedly her death scene is kind of fun.

Poorly-written, badly-acted, and aimed straight down to the bottom, the "Dark Castle Horror Collection" is a perfect example of what NOT to watch on a spooky, stormy night.

Average customer rating:

Queen of the Damned / Thirteen Ghosts
Starring: Tony Shalhoub , Embeth Davidtz , Matthew Lillard , Shannon Elizabeth , and Alec Roberts
Director: Steve Beck , and Michael Rymer
Manufacturer: Warner Home Video
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Release Date: 2004-05-04

Exorcist - The Beginning/Thirteen Ghosts

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Horror 3-Pack (Dreamcatcher / Thirteen Ghosts / Fear Dot Com)

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Horror 3-Pack (Dreamcatcher / Thirteen Ghosts / Fear Dot Com)
Starring: Morgan Freeman , Thomas Jane , Jason Lee , Damian Lewis , and Timothy Olyphant
Director: Lawrence Kasdan , Steve Beck , and William Malone
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ASIN: B000765HUU
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Ghost Ship/Thirteen Ghosts
Starring: Tony Shalhoub , Embeth Davidtz , Matthew Lillard , Shannon Elizabeth , and Alec Roberts
Director: Steve Beck
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ASIN: B0007VY49K
Release Date: 2005-05-10

Amazon.com

While it offers nothing new for horror buffs, Ghost Ship relocates its haunted house clichés to an eerily effective setting. The Italian luxury liner Antonia Graza, its fate a mystery for 40 years, has suddenly reappeared in the chilly Bering Sea. Lured by a seemingly harmless proposition, Gabriel Byrne and Julianna Margulies lead a salvage crew (including Ron Eldard, Margulies's offscreen partner and fellow ER alumnus) to claim the wreck. But a grisly prologue--in which we witness the horrific fate of the ship's crew and passengers--makes it clear that bad things are going to happen. And they do... with the predictability of tomorrow's sunrise. The supporting cast is routinely dispatched, but their fates are determined amid outstanding art direction, slick cinematography, and judicious digital trickery, all primed to maximize the doom-laden atmosphere. Director Steve Beck (who remade 13 Ghosts a year earlier) won't win any awards for ingenuity, but Ghost Ship offers a few good chills for a dark and stormy night. --Jeff Shannon

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