Psyclops

Starring:Rob Monkiewicz, Diane DiGregorio, Irene Joseph, Philip Barbour, Elizabeth Hurley (III), Dan Merriman
Director: Brett Piper
Studio: Mti Home Video
Product Type: DVD

Average customer rating:

A car wreck
THE DIRECTOR MUST HAVE HAD ONE EYE AS WELL
Love at first Sight!!!
ONE EYED JUNK
Extrememly Poor!

Psyclops
Starring: Rob Monkiewicz , Diane DiGregorio , Irene Joseph , Philip Barbour , and Elizabeth Hurley (III)
Director: Brett Piper
Manufacturer: Mti Home Video
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Arachnia
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ASIN: B00006LPF6
Release Date: 2002-12-31

Customer Reviews:

A car wreck.......2005-11-02

Here we go again with yet another zero budget, straight to DVD crudfest. In this instance, the car wreck in question is Brett Piper's 2002 film "Psyclops." I should have known I was in trouble when I saw the DVD cover. It sports a headshot of a young, blond man with a video camera buried in his head. He's screaming, too, although whether that's the result of having the aforementioned camera implanted in his noggin or the fact that he suddenly recognized he stars in a film that is the equivalent of a flat tire, I've not the slightest idea. Disturbingly, this cheesy artwork didn't stop me from sitting down and giving Piper's film a look. My tendency to give the worst films a chance is similar to the old highway accident phenomenon. Just as motorists will go out of their way to stop and stare at the goriest scenes of automobile carnage, I seem to do the same with movies like "Psyclops." I'm certain my affliction is psychological in nature and, I hope, I will soon find some form of medication to treat the malady. One thing is certain: I can't keep watching movies like "Psyclops" and continue to maintain my sanity. I just can't. Help me before I start hurting someone!

Seriously, "Psyclops" is a terrible film. It's the story of a geeky blond kid named Sheppard "Shep" Franco (Dan Merriman) and his efforts to make a film about his life. Oh brother! The Shepster carries a video camera around with him wherever he goes (and I do mean EVERYWHERE), annoying the heck out of his friends Dave (Rob Monkiewicz), Kim (Irene Elizabeth Joseph), and Heather (Diane DiGregorio). His aim is to capture life itself on camera, and become a world famous filmmaker as a result. Obviously, such a grand cinematic project requires mountains of videotape, but Shep's got that angle covered. He knows someone who will supply him with tons of old tapes for minimal cost. During one of his excursions to the supplier, Shep acquires a most unusual tape that fires his imagination. On the cassette is a snippet of film shot back in the days of the Civil War--years before moving photography existed, don't you know--showing eccentric inventor Artemis Winthrop (Philip Barbour) demonstrating his most recent creation. It's some sort of machine that opens up pathways to other dimensions, like something you'd see in a Lovecraft novel, and Winthrop fires it up for the camera. Big mistake.

Shep soon brings his friends in on the discovery, and it's not too long before they're traipsing down to the library in search of more information about Artemis Winthrop. And wouldn't you know it? He just happened to live right down the road! Even better, one of his descendants is nearby! Wow! Winthrop's granddaughter Amelia (Elizabeth Hurley) turns out to be some new age kook with a house full of crystals and other gimcracks. She utters the obligatory cryptic warnings about mucking around in things better left untouched before Shep and his friends actually locate the device in the ruins of Artemis's house! Talk about coincidence! Anyway, Shep fires up the machine and unleashes these really cheesy stop motion bug things that attack everyone around them. When the device really gets going, electricity engulfs Shep and fuses the camera to his head! Now it's up to Kim, Heather, and Dave to stand firm against an evil from another dimension, an evil that could destroy the entire planet if only Brett Piper had a big enough budget to show it! He doesn't, of course, so the movie treats us instead to the typical lunatic stalking innocent victims junk we've seen a million times before. The end.

Yuck. What a waste of time it was to watch this movie. "Psyclops" possesses few redeeming features to offset the bad acting, poor editing, cheesy special effects, and lame dialogue that pop up with frightening regularity. Well, the dimension machine was sort of cool. And the nudity helped too. But aside from those things, the movie tanks. The Shep Franco character grates on the nerves, as do his three friends. Heather has a New Yawk accent so thick you'll need a Q-Tip to clean your ears out by the time the credits roll. Dave and Kim aren't that bad, I guess, but neither one of them can act their way out of a wet paper bag. You may also rest assured that the Elizabeth Hurley in this film is NOT the Elizabeth Hurley of "Austin Powers" and "Bedazzled" fame. Look at that DVD cover again and reread the plot summary I've provided above. Would Elizabeth Hurley accept a part in a movie like this one? I think not! Still, I wonder how many people rented "Psyclops" thinking she's really in it. If you're dumb enough to believe that, you deserve to watch every single second of this film. Twice. With your eyes forced open with duct tape, if necessary.

After experiencing the horror that is "Psyclops," it's time for you to wallow in the extras. Listen to Piper and company as they attempt to justify this mess in a commentary track! Flip through endless still galleries showing images from the film you just groaned in agony over minutes before! Slog through an interminable "making of" featurette containing the obligatory interviews with the brain dead cast! Fortunately, the DVD contains NONE of these things! Yay! We do get a trailer for the film, a deleted scene, and trailers for "Legend of the Phantom Rider," "Arachnia," and "One Hell of a Christmas." Not that you'll care or anything, but there you go. Good luck should you decide to travel down this path. Don't say I didn't warn you!

THE DIRECTOR MUST HAVE HAD ONE EYE AS WELL.......2005-10-24

This was one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen;Stupid, but not boring. The camera in Shep's eye had no meaning at all. So , he was obsessed with filming. Big deal. Maybe , if he went around murdering people and positioning their bodies as if they were actors on a screen, this would have provided a link between his obsession before becoming cyclops to his insanity afterwards. The premise would still be ridiculous, but their would be some connection. There was absolutely no romance between any characters. The threat of a star-crossed lover becoming a victim of a lunatic always enhances a movie. The actors were good. The story sucked, but was worth watching.

Love at first Sight!!!.......2005-09-09

This explosive expose on life in the suburbs is laced with a horrific sub plot of video-addiction and evil! Action after adventure lures your skeptical brain into a dark tunnel of eye-popping entertainment. Intermingling with acting legends and directed by a genius phantom in todays mournful excuse for cinema, this is a sure winner. Watch it with your dying grandfather and bastard children, earning their up-most respect and eternal love.

ONE EYED JUNK.......2005-07-23

The Liz Hurley in this film can't be the lovely Elizabeth Hurley can it? Hope not...anyway, this abomination is about as bad as they get. If you saw ARACHNIA (Which actually is better than this loser), you'll recognize many of the actors in this movie as they were all in that one too. Dan Merriman plays a real video freak who manages to somehow get his camera permanently attached to his eye, and becomes demented as well. His friends include the expected: Rob Monkowiecz is the musclar jock whose acting abilities are nowhere as impressive as his pecs; Diane De Gregorio as the hottie who is in love with Dave and lusted for by Merriman; and Irene Joseph is the serious, cynical African-Ameerican. Hurley plays a Wiccan who is somehow involved in this mess. The effects are ridiculously amateurish and the movie plods along with ridiculous plot lines and little horror. Avoid this one, folks.

Extrememly Poor!.......2003-08-21

This is perhaps the worst movie I have ever seen. It looked like it was filmed with someone's camcorder. All of the actors were so over the top and bad, you were embarassed for them. I spent 5 dollars renting this from Blockbuster, and 2 minutes in to it, I was like, "Is this a joke?"

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