Hardware Wars - The Original Edition

Starring:Sonny Buddy Jr., Artie Deco, Ernie Fosselius, Paul Frees, Cindy Furgatch, Jeff Hale, Bob Knickerbocker, Walt Kraemer, Scott Mathews, Frank Robertson
Director: Ernie Fosselius
Studio: Michael Wise
Product Type: DVD

Amazon.com

San Francisco filmmaker Ernie Fosselius made the most successful short film of all time in the 1978 Hardware Wars, an inspired, mock-trailer for a nonexistent, cheapo rip-off of Star Wars. It worked like this: instead of Chewbacca, Fosselius offers the Cookie Monster. Instead of Darth Vader's breathy, slightly echoed voice emerging somehow behind that black-mask helmet, we get a villain whose every ranting utterance is so muffled even this film's Princess Leia equivalent beseeches him, "What? I don't understand you." And so on. Part of the joke is that George Lucas's revolutionary special effects are supplanted by common kitchen gizmos--mixers, toasters--that serve as spaceships and weapons sources. The updated special edition contains 20 computer-generated "special defects" that don't--the distributor boasts--at all match Fosselius's earlier version. Um... right on? --Tom Keogh

Customer Reviews:

Strange...........2005-07-10

This is the strangest parody I've ever seen. I thought it was funny enough. Modern appliances as vehicles and weapons.... and the names are very clever. I'd watch this again.

Great film, misleading packaging.......2005-07-05

For the film itself, I would give 5 stars. But the packaging is misleading, listing several things that you honestly don't get:

1. "A rare look at a pirated version from 1979": Nope. They just took the film and dubbed some other language over it as a joke.

2. "The never-seen-before director's cut": Nope. They just threw a bunch of extra footage together, such as outtakes, and left the existing soundtrack. For example, you'll see a certain scene repeat multiple times (because the outtakes are now included), but the soundtrack remains the same, so as you are watching one scene, you may be hearing the next. Not a director's cut by any stretch of the imagination.

3. "The shooting script and other original work by Ernie Fosselius": I looked all over the disc for this -- there MIGHT be a picture of part of the script on one screen, but that's it. You do not get the script. Not here. Sorry.

Oh, and the commentary track is a joke. Instead of actually talking about the film, and answering questions that fans have had for years (such as "Who were these people", "How did he get them to be in this film", and "Why such bad hair?"), Fosselius just goofs off the entire time, saying absolutely nothing of interest (or humor for that matter). Great film Ernie, but horrible, horrible commentary, you naughty person!

Recommended for the film itself, but not for any of the things the packaging promises you that you don't acutally get. How about some truth in advertising?

The epic space saga lightyears ahead of its time.......2005-04-15

If Star Wars inspired a generation of kids to become film directors, Hardware Wars probably inspired them to just get on with it. Although it was really a professional production made to look cheesy, HW in fact has a wonderful DIY, indie vibe to it. Seeing an iron fly overhead on wires is the film equivalent of the famous "Here's three chords; go start a band" zine page from the early days of punk rock.
And dang if it isn't still funny. Most of the jokes hold up, and a few have even improved with age ("You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss three bucks goodbye" now elicits a nostalgic snort in a world where 1977's ticket prices buy a gallon of gas today).
HW on DVD is definitely worth the money--you get a bunch of oddball additions, including Ernie on a local cable show in 1980 obstensibly talking about the movie but just kinda going off on some goofy comedy (oh, and he IS involved with this rerelease, unlike the Special Edition version a few years ago; his stamp is all over it!). Some of the additions like the director's cut fell flat for me, but humor is subjective.
My only complaint is that I greedily would have liked to get the Special Edition version on there, too, but it is MIA. Since the DVD only runs an hour, certainly there was room, but perhaps since it was done without Ernie's input, it got canned. A shame, but otherwise, this is a lot of fun and easily worth kissing three bucks-plus goodbye to get it.

Great piece of Star Wars history!.......2005-03-23

This video is absolutely the best parody of Star Wars ever. If you are a fan, you must see this. I did not like the special edition as much, as the computer graphics took away from the original concept (much like in the real redone Star Wars movies.) But I understand the point of doing it. They made them look so out of place as a lampoon of the original Special edition movies, in which the digital effects look equally out of place.

"You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss three bucks goodbye!".......2005-01-31

Not long after George Lucas' original "Star Wars" film took theaters throughout the world by storm in 1977, a very silly 13-minute long parody entitled "Hardware Wars" was filmed in 1978 by writer/director Ernie Fosselius. The parody, designed as a long film trailer, replaces the authentic special effects and models used in "Star Wars" with low-budget replacements, mostly in the form of household appliances. For example, the Lucas' Millenium Falcon in "Hardware Wars" is an electric iron, the Death Star is a waffle iron, an imperial cruiser is an electric mixer, and the squat droid R2-D2 becomes a canister vacuum cleaner called "Artee-Deco". As with Artee-Deco, the other characters from Lucas' "Star Wars" are transformed in "Hardware Wars" as follows: C3PO becomes 4-Q-2 (like the tin-man from the 1939 "The Wizard of Oz"), Han Solo becomes Ham Salad (Bob Knickerbocker), Chewbacca becomes the Muppet-like Chucilla (similar to the "Sesame Street" cookie monster), Princess Leia becomes Princess Anne-Droid (Cindy Furgatch, who wears round rolls on the sides of her head), Luke Skywalker becomes Fluke Starbucker (Scott Mathews), Obi-Wan 'Ben' Kenobi becomes Augie 'Ben' Doggie (Jeff Hale) and Darth Vader becomes Darf Nader, who is impossible to understand due to his welding-style helmet.

Clearly, not everyone who watches "Hardware Wars" finds it funny; but for most sci-fi aficionados, it's totally priceless! One of my favorite scenes is the equivalent of the demonstration of how powerful the Death Star is: instead of blowing up the planet of Alderan, it blows up the planet of Basketball (a literal basketball). Equally ridiculous and funny is the intentionally bad and sometimes melodramatic acting. Of course, you don't want to miss the exciting special effects of "dyna-space", as presented in "Hardware Wars". Consequently, for being a completely hilarious spoof of "Star Wars" filmed on a meager budget of $8,000, I rate "Hardware Wars" with 4 out of 5 stars. It is interesting to note that Ernie Fosselius provided some voice work and some other miscellaneous work in Lucas' 1983 film "Star Wars VI: The Return of the Jedi". Clearly, George Lucas was not upset with Fosselius' parody.

DVD:

DVD List

DVD

DVD

J.K. Rowling and The Birth of Harry Potter

Old Yeller

Labyrinth/The Dark Crystal [2 Discs] [1982] (REGION 1) (NTSC

DVD: This is My Father

New Zealand - Coast To Coast